Life After Divorce Part 3

Life After Divorce Part 3: Avoiding The Dating & Relationship Mess – The “Do Not Do’s”

If you are not DIVORCED then you are NOT divorced. SEPARATED couples are not divorced couples and should not behave as single people.

Separated people should NOT DATE! Your primary objective is to RESTORE the marriage IF POSSIBLE as far as it depends on YOU.

Bottom line: NEVER SEEK divorce. As far as it depends on you, always let it be the other person.

Matthew 19:3-9 ³ Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

⁴ “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ ⁵ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

⁷ “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

⁸ Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. ⁹ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

1Corinthians 7:10-13, 15-16 ¹⁰ To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. ¹¹ But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.¹² To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. ¹³ And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. ¹⁵ But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. ¹⁶ How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

If a person is engaging in abusive or destructive behavior they need HELP and you should SEPARATE to PRAY for them and if possible walk them through their issue.

Let difficulties challenge you to be the BETTER and BIGGER person.

50% of first marriages(50/100), 67% of second marriages (33.5/50) and 74% of third marriages (24.79/33.5) end in divorce.

The major reason we see the divorce rate go up with each additional marriage is that most people never HEAL and address the ISSUES that led to the first divorce. They carry their HURTS, baggage, and DYSFUNCTION into the next relationship.

Get your issues dealt with BEFORE you start considering another relationship.

1. Do not jump into DATING or worse, a serious RELATIONSHIP. Experts say to wait an average of 2yrs after the divorce is finalized before you start dating.

The time you know you are ready is when you aren’t LOOKING anymore and aren’t holding a GRUDGE. These are the things that HURT you and cause more PAIN and potential FAILURE.

The pain and hardships caused by divorce have a DISORIENTATING effect on our reasoning and judgment and we can find ourselves VULNERABLE to abnormal ungodly feelings, passions, desires, and attractions.

2. Do not engage in VENGEFUL behavior.

Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin”

Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

3. Do not get SEXUALLY involved with anyone before you are married (re-married).

1Corinthians 6:19-20 ¹⁹ Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

1Thessalonians 4:3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;

Moving too fast physically leads to BLIND emotions.

Living together runs up your chances of divorce by 85% not to mention it knocks the man’s respect down for the woman.

Sex is not an anti-depressant or MEDICATION.

4. Do not try to sooth your failure by drowning your sorrows in DESTRUCTIVE behaviors (quick relationships, sexual activity, drugs, drinking, etc.)

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

5. Do not compromise on your VALUES and BELIEFS to find someone.

Find the RIGHT fish with the right BAIT in the right POND. Be careful what you’re fishing for/attracting. Using the wrong BAIT fishing in the wrong POND attracts the wrong fish and you will get HURT.

1Corinthians 15:33 Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

6. Do not get caught up in a lifestyle of STRIFE and BITTERNESS with your ex or their family.

Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Hebrews 12:15 See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Do not play your CHILDREN against your ex.

You do not have to DEFEND or BUILD UP your ex to your child.

7. Do not CONFIDE in your children.

8. Do not bring your DATES home while the children are little.

Matthew 5:43-45 ⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven.